To Tell Or Not To Tell
by ninjadevil2000
Summary: Newt it suffering from nightmares and PTSD after his trip to America, and Theseus is determined to find out what is wrong with his little brother and help him.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Fantastic Beasts or any of the characters. **

**Author's Note: This was super fun to write and I really hope ya'll enjoy reading it. It would mean a lot if you left a review, letting me know how you enjoyed it. **

**Thanks to my mom for reading this through for me. I appreciate it. Now on with the story :)**

* * *

Newt sat at his desk, pouring over notes and books about creatures. He was feverishly scanning every page for any mention of Mooncalves. A little Mooncalf, one of a recent litter, wasn't eating anything and had barely the strength to stand.

This was not at all normal for Mooncalves. Normally, the young ones would be standing up and jumping around within one or two days. But now, it had been nearly five days. Newt had worried after the first two days and had hoped the calf was only a runt, but that was not the case. Newt had even contacted a few of his fellow Magizoologists, but none of them knew any more than he did. Something was dreadfully wrong with the creature, and Newt was focused on figuring it out.

Inconveniently, however, his concentration was regularly broken by his continuous glances over to Buddel, the small calf, who lay in a nest made of thick grasses and blankets. His mother was over in the Mooncalf paddock with Buddel's siblings and Newt figured that Buddel must be lonely, but he couldn't risk the little creature getting hurt by all the stomping feet around him, so he had made him a thick bed to rest in right near Newt's feet.

What also didn't help his concentration was the fact that Newt hadn't gotten more than three hours of sleep for nearly a week. Not just from worry over Buddel, but also from recurring nightmares. It had only been a month since Newt had returned from America. For a while, the nightmares had faded away, growing less vivid and less painful, but then about a week ago, they had resurfaced with a vengeance.

And Newt knew why they had returned. A week ago, a rumor had surfaced about there being an Obscurial somewhere in Australia. Newt knew that it could very well be fake, but that didn't help his conscious. And so the dreams arrived.

Only they weren't really dreams. They were more like memories. Flashbacks to the sight of silver and blue lightning sparking over a train track, electrifying his body so much that it felt like he was on fire. Recollections of the black mass that was Credence. Visions of the boy, shaking and quivering on the ground, full of fear and rage. Newt hadn't been able to help Credence or the creature inside him, and that hurt more than anything the Magizoologist had ever experienced. Worse than the electricity crackling through his veins, worse than the crushing disappointment from when he had been expelled from Hogwarts.

Now, sitting at the desk, trying to keep his eyes open and focused on the assorted books and papers in front of him, Newt found his eyes growing heavy. His head started to droop and he had to give himself a small shake. He dropped his quill onto the parchments in front of him and rubbed his eyes. Figuring a bit of walking would do him some good, maybe get rid of some of the tiredness, Newt stood up and went over to Buddel's nest against the nearby wall.

"Hello, little one," he said softly. Buddel let out a little purr-like noise as Newt knelt down and started to gently pet his head. "How're you feeling?"

The little creature didn't make a sound. It just leaned into Newt's hand, relishing the comfort of something warm and alive. The Magizoologist leaned against the wall, absentmindedly stroking the Mooncalf's head. He summoned a couple of books from his desk over to his lap and started to flick through them again. He couldn't stop. He had to figure out how to help Buddel.

* * *

Artemis Scamander and his wife, Morena, sat at their dining room table. Their eldest son, Theseus, sat across from them as they waited for Newt to arrive for dinner.

Morena thought back on the many times Newt had cancelled or declined dinner plans. At first, she had wondered if her younger son perhaps had a girlfriend, but after so many cancellations, she figured it had to be something else. Something more serious.

She had been excited for tonight, because Newt hadn't cancelled like he usually did, but now it was thirty minutes past the set time and Newt hadn't appeared.

She sighed and looked to her husband. Annoyance was apparent in Artemis' eyes as well as exasperation. She was about to speak when Theseus suddenly stood, grabbing his jacket.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry, son?" Artemis said quickly, both him and Morena standing up also.

"I'm off to find Newt and knock some sense into him.

"Thee, that's really not nec––" Morena began, but Theseus cut her off.

"Mum, it's not right that you put all this effort into having a nice dinner for us and Newt doesn't even show up," Theseus said firmly. "And not just tonight. He shouldn't be constantly cancelling without giving us a good reason." He gave his mother a kiss on the cheek. "I'll let you know what happens."

And he disapparated.

Theseus went directly to Newt's London flat. He knocked on the door but there was no answer. Tired of being avoided, Theseus pulled out his wand, muttered _"Alohomora,"_ and pushed open the door.

"Newt?" he called. No answer.

_"__He's probably in his case,"_ Theseus thought to himself. He checked around the house quickly, searching for the plain brown suitcase that housed one of the most incredible pieces of magic Theseus had ever seen. He poked his head into every room before finally finding the case laying on the floor of the kitchen. Cracking open the lid, Theseus looked down the ladder, calling his brother's name.

But once again, there was no answer.

Climbing down the ladder, Theseus looked around the place. And though he was angry and annoyed with his brother, he couldn't help but be impressed when he saw everything.

Jumping the last three steps of the ladder, Theseus scanned the nearby space. It was smaller and only held a desk and supplies, but when Theseus looked around, he saw him across the room.

His little brother lay curled on the floor, shaking and whimpering. For a moment, Theseus thought Newt was crying, until he realized that Newt's eyes were shut tight and he seemed almost petrified, for though he trembled, his arms and legs seemed locked in that position of fear.

_"__Nightmares?"_ Theseus wondered. _"Since when does Newt have nightmares?"_

* * *

_Lightning crackled around the train tracks, electrifying Newt's veins. He could see Graves flicking his wand again and again. Newt felt as if his whole body was on fire. _

_He was trying to disapparate but he couldn't summon the strength. Only when a black mist sped towards them and distracted Graves was Newt able to disapparate off the tracks to behind a pillar._

_His whole body ached but he had to fight. He turned and tried to speak to Credence, to bring the shy, scared boy back, but ––_

"Newt!"

He started. He was on the floor; someone was shaking his shoulder. Quickly scrambling away from whoever was next to him, Newt rubbed his face, wiping away the tears. His hands were trembling and he felt nauseous.

The books and quill that had been in his lap were scattered on the floor and Buddel was laying in his nest, looking at Newt with his wide eyes filled with worry.

Newt took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves.

"Newt?" a hesitant voice asked. Newt looked up from his hands and saw his elder brother kneeling across from him.

"Thee?" Newt asked, sounding scared.

"Newt, are you okay?" Theseus asked.

Newt shook himself again and stood up quickly. He leaned against the wall, the blood rush making him feel faint for a moment. His back ached fiercely where the scars of the train station battle remained, but he shoved it away and returned to his desk.

"What do you want, Theseus?" he asked, suddenly formal.

"Um," Theseus was taken aback at the sudden change in Newt's demeanor. "Well, you didn't show up for dinner and Mum and Dad and I were wondering what you were doing."

Newt sighed. "Right, I forgot about that. Uh, I've been busy. Sorry," he mumbled.

Theseus laughed wryly. "No, Newt. You can't just say sorry anymore. You have to tell me what's going on."

Newt spun around. "I don't have to tell you anything, Theseus," he said angrily. "Besides, I've been taking care of Buddel." Newt gestured to the little Mooncalf. "He's ill and if I don't figure out what's going on with him he might not make it."

"Newt, this is more serious than an animal being sick. I saw you there on the floor, having a nightmare. And the last few times I've seen you since your trip to America you've been so distant and pale. I'm willing to bet that you hardly eat anything and aren't sleeping either."

"What makes you think that?" Newt asked, humoring his brother.

"For one thing, that attitude of yours," Theseus shot back. "Since when do you yell at me? And those bags under your eyes are a mile long _and_ your hands are shaking."

Newt looked down. Indeed, his hands hadn't stopped trembling. "So?"

Theseus rolled his eyes. "Your hands have always shaken when you're nervous or tired. It's something that weirded Mum and Dad out from the beginning but it finally wore off as you went to school and hung out with animals more."

Newt gave his brother a hard look before turning back to his desk. An inner battle was waging inside his mind._ To tell or not to tell. _

"Why should I tell you?" Newt asked, giving himself time to wage this mental war but also genuinely curious what Theseus' answer would be.

"Why should you tell me?" Theseus repeated incredulously. "Because for one, I'm your brother. And second, you need to tell somebody or else you're likely to crack. Not to mention, I'm worried about you, and so are Mum and Dad. We love you and care about you."

Newt stiffened, and Theseus noticed.

"We _do_ care about you, you know," Theseus said firmly.

"Really?" Newt said. He turned to face his brother. Anger, resentment, and disappointment, more than ten years of it, was starting to claw its way up from down where he had continually buried it. He fought to keep his voice from sounding angry.

"Dad basically disowned me when I was sixteen and got expelled, saying how not one person in the entire Scamander family had ever faced the dishonor of being expelled from a school as proficient as Hogwarts. He probably would've kicked me out had he not been afraid of the rumors that would spread."

"He's different now," Theseus said indignantly. "Dad wasn't in a good place when we were younger."

"Oh, really?" Newt said. His voice grew angry, but he made sure to keep the volume low so as not to bother the surrounding creatures, especially Buddel who didn't need more stress. "Were Mum and Dad in a bad place when we told them of our career choices? You talked about how you were going to become and Auror and they were so proud of you, but when I said I was going to be a Magizoologist, they never supported me. They gave you all the resources and advice that they could to help you with your career, but they did nothing for me. I had no help from them. I had to defend myself and my expulsion with no input or recommendations or defense from my own parents. Not even you, Theseus!"

Newt said the words harshly. He came forward and looked straight into his brother's eyes, something Newt had always found hard. "I've been through much more than you realize, brother. Please, don't try to guilt me into attending a dinner with parents who don't care about me."

* * *

Theseus was shocked. Never, in their entire lives, had Newt ever spoken to him in that way. As Newt pushed past him and walked back over to the Mooncalf, Theseus swallowed.

"You're right," he said after a few awkward moments of silence. Theseus saw the younger man pause in his movements for just a second and Theseus hurried on. "We should've been more supportive. We weren't at all fair to you and I'm sorry, Newt."

Newt, kneeling next to the creature, gathered up the books that lay on the floor and stood, looking over at his brother. "I appreciate the apology," he said, voice formal once again.

Silence. A breakthrough had been made, small though it was, and both Scamander brothers knew it.

Theseus opened his mouth but closed it after a second. Then again. Finally, he swallowed and spoke with a hesitation that he wasn't used to feeling.

"What happened in America?" he said quietly. "I mean, I know what all happened to Grindelwald and about the Obscurus and everything, but what happened to _you_?"

Newt looked away. "I don't want to talk about it," he said. He left and started to walk around the different enclosures, checking on the many different creatures. Theseus followed, watching as Newt silently threw food to some creatures, freshening the water of others, petting some, or examining them.

"I'm not going to tell you so you might as well leave," Newt said suddenly, turning around. "I've got a lot of work to do to figure out what's wrong with Buddel and I need to get back to it. I don't think he has much time left."

"Well, maybe I can help," Theseus said quickly, eager for any opportunity to try and persuade his brother to tell him what was wrong.

Newt looked torn, and Theseus could almost see the wheels in his brother's mind turning.

_"__He's wondering whether my offer is worth it,"_ Theseus mused.

Finally, Newt sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't want to talk about anything really," he began. "But I can't afford to waste your offer, so here."

They walked back around to the desk and Newt handed him a book. "Scan every page for any mention of Mooncalves, specifically illnesses that could affect young ones."

Theseus nodded, conjuring a chair as Newt sat down behind his desk.

Soon enough, silence fell, both brothers focused on scanning pages of books.

"Here," Theseus said after a while. He held the book out to Newt who took it from him quickly.

He was happy to see that Newt's eyes brightened as he read the page. Some of the tiredness and annoyance seemed to fade, replaced by glee and relief.

"Oh, thank Merlin," he said excitedly. Quickly, the Magizoologist started gathering ingredients, frantically firing up a cauldron, summoning things from hidden cubbies of the enclosure.

Theseus, having never seen his brother in his element like this before, was astounded with the speed and proficiency with which he worked. He made no mistakes or errors, his hands had suddenly stopped their shaking, and his eyes were focused only on the task at hand. It was as though Theseus was no longer there.

And so he merely watched in fascination as Newt worked. Only the hissing of the cauldron and the clinking of measuring cups and spoons sounded. After probably thirty minutes of this, Newt was still enveloped in his work, and the potion he'd been making was complete. He poured it into a small cup and hurried it over to the Mooncalf.

Theseus followed and watched tentatively as he could see how important this was to Newt. Theseus found himself smiling broadly when the creature gulped down the cup's contents. Newt smiled with glee, the happiness on his face a pleasant sight to Theseus.

Newt sat there, and him and Theseus watched as the Mooncalf's eyes brightened. The little creature seemed to smile and stood up. The legs of the animal trembled, but by the way Newt smiled, Theseus could tell this was an improvement.

"Take it easy, little one," his little brother murmured soothingly to the Mooncalf. "You'll be alright now."

Newt slowly stood, and now that the adrenaline and worry and stress of helping Buddel was starting to fade, Theseus saw his brother stagger and falter. He hurried forward and wrapped an arm around Newt's shoulder.

"You have got to get some rest, Newt," he admonished gently. "You've been working yourself to the bone."

Newt seemed too tired to argue and merely nodded, finally giving in to exhaustion. He gestured to a nearby corner where a camp bed stood and Theseus helped him over to it. Newt collapsed onto it, blinking rapidly. "Thee, you have no idea how much it means to me that Buddel is going to be okay. Thank you."

Theseus nodded. "It was nothing, Newt. You did all the work."

Newt shrugged. "Maybe, but you were the one who found the recipe for the medicine. Thank you."

Theseus nodded again. "Sure thing, brother."

"Don't let me sleep more than three hours or so, okay? I'll need to administer more medicine to Buddel." The young man sighed once more before his breathing evened out and Theseus saw him relax.

After letting his parents know that Newt was alright with a Ministry Memo, Theseus set to wandering around the enclosure again. He did watch the animals, but moreover, he was looking at his brother's handiwork. The spellwork to keep the creatures separated and the different habitats prospering, Theseus knew had to be difficult. He found himself gaining a new respect for his brother as he saw firsthand the amount of effort he put into his work.

Theseus, like his parents, had always seen Newt's dream to become a Magizoologist rather foolish, especially after he was expelled from Hogwarts, but now, Theseus wondered if it really was so foolish.

He knew that Newt was working on a book about creatures, and after seeing all of the exceptionally performed magic displayed around the domain, which was filled with hundreds of different sights and smells, Theseus knew his brother was completely capable of it.

He returned to the cot where Newt lay and wondered once again, now that the situation with the Mooncalf had been taken care of, what Newt's nightmare had been about.

And suddenly, Theseus wished he could un-think those thoughts, for at that moment, Newt's body began to tremble and shake, and indistinguishable words were mumbled. To Theseus, it sounded almost like pleading.

Theseus quickly began to shake his brother's shoulders again just like earlier, trying to awaken him from whatever nightmare he was fighting now. At last, with a gasp, Newt shot bolt upright. He put his head in his hands and his body continued to shake. Theseus realized Newt must be crying.

He put a hand back on the younger man's shoulder but Newt stiffened and shrugged it away.

Theseus' lips tightened into a line as he pulled his hand back. "Newt," he began hesitantly. "You have to tell me what's going on with you."

Newt didn't respond. He stood up and walked away, a hand still over his face, the other clenched in a fist at his side.

"Newt," Theseus said firmly, turning around to watch his brother. "I'm not gonna leave until you tell me what's wrong."

After another moment, Theseus visibly saw Newt's stiffness and secrecy fall away.

Newt turned to face Thee, his eyes bearing a tortured look and his hands continuing to shake. He didn't speak. Instead, slowly and silently, Newt rolled up the sleeves up his shirt, revealing small lightning-like scars that criss-crossed over his skin. Theseus' eyes widened.

"What is this?" he asked, taking a step forward and hesitantly touching his brother's arm.

"When I fought against Grindelwald, this is what he did to me. He electrified the train tracks so I was repeatedly electrocuted. It hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt. The scars have been there ever since." Newt said the words plainly enough, but Theseus could see the effort it took.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," Theseus said softly. The scars on his brother's arms were terrible and Thee knew they must've been extremely painful, especially since they were most likely not confined only to his arms.

Newt shrugged. "The scars aren't the worst part though."

"Credence?" Theseus asked knowingly.

Newt nodded. "He was hurting and in pain. Grindelwald used him. He used Credence as though he were a tool, not a person.

"I'm so sorry, Newt." Theseus paused. "But I'm glad that you told me."

Newt, looking at the ground, glanced up barely an inch, his hair covering his face. He gave his older brother a relieved smile. "Me too."

They stood in an awkward silence for a while before Newt broke the tension by walking away to administer more medicine to Buddel.

From that day on, Newt and Theseus had a better relationship. They still weren't as close as they had been when they were younger, and they knew they probably never would be, but at least it was better than what it had been. Theseus had tried to persuade Newt to tell their parents about what had happened in America, but Newt wasn't ready for that, and Theseus couldn't really blame him. He felt lucky to know about the incident himself. He also knew that if he hadn't been there to witness Newt's nightmares, there would've been no reason for Newt to tell him at all.


End file.
